Confidence Crumbler: Relying on Others Opinions of YouWhen you base your self-esteem on what others think, the smallest bit of negative or critical feedback can cave in your confidence.
Try this: Be open to feedback, but listen to your own voice, too. Value constructive criticism (which shows you how to fix mistakes) over toxic criticism (a nagging, pointless recitation of your drawbacks). Steer clear of negative peoples opinions. Any friend who constantly criticizes you is not a friend at all, Ursiny says. Avoid those people.
Confidence Crumbler: Comparing Yourself to OthersWhen you use someone elses success as your yardstick, its easy to feel inadequate and envious.
Try this: Dont begrudge someone elses good fortune, but remember that you also have gifts and opportunities. Too many people are blind to their own assets, Ursiny observes. The real question should not be, Why arent I doing as well as they are? but Where do I want to go and how do I get there?? Let the answers spur you into action.
Confidence Crumbler: Measuring Yourself Solely by Your AccomplishmentsSetting goals (losing weight, earning more) is great, but not if theyre the only things that determine your self-worth.
Try this: To some degree, all of us base our self-esteem on our accomplishments, Ursiny says. But an all-or-nothing attitude can really sabotage our ability to achieve things. Truly confident people are self-accepting and see themselves as valuable just the way they are. Find ways to dispute your own self-criticism and focus on your strengths.
Confidence Crumbler: Pretending to Be What Youre NotBeing uncomfortable with yourself may make you feel like hiding or being dishonest just to fit in.
Try this: Forget about faking it til you make it it looks phony. Acknowledge your achievements without exaggerating them; admit your imperfections without overemphasizing them. People respond better to those who embrace their individuality. You dont expect others to be perfect, Ursiny points out. Its arrogant to expect it of yourself.
Confidence Crumbler: Being a Label-MakerIf you think of yourself as bad or defective every time you err, it will undermine your confidence.
Try this: Dont berate yourself for messing up; instead, separate whats happened from who you are. Strategize a different response for the future. If you see yourself as a loser, youre bound to lose, Ursiny says. Its better, and more accurate, to think of yourself as an interesting, flawed human being one who continues to improve and grow.