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That's what my friend Linda did. She began looking at what was right in her life: healthy children, a job, a solid marriage. Then she began taking actions where she could — better training for her employees so she wouldn't have to do so much herself, setting boundaries with her kids (for example, making it clear there were consequences for not doing assigned chores) — and letting go of the rest. Every time she found herself worrying about something she couldn't control, she'd stop and refocus. She began to look each day for at least one "rosebush of happiness," as I call those little pleasures of everyday life. And she started volunteering an hour a week at a meal-delivery service for homebound elderly people. While the external circumstances of her life have not changed much, she reports feeling upbeat much more of the time.
Most of us have all we need to be happy. All we must do is take the advice of the fortune cookie I once got that read, "Stop searching. Happiness is next to you."
4 Simple Ways to Get Happy
1. We have a daily ritual that my daughter, Ana, has named "dinner words." At the evening meal, everyone at our table states one thing he or she is thankful for. It could be something wonderful that happened or even some aspect of yourself that you appreciate — your patience, for example, or your capacity to learn. Anything! Often Ana says she's thankful that she gets to go to sleep after dinner because she's so tired.
2. Start a list of "life-cherishing forces," as Dawna Markova, author of I Will Not Die an Unlived Life, calls those relationships, places, pets, and experiences that make your life worth living. When you're feeling down, take out the list and read it aloud.
3. If you find yourself stuck in worry mode, figure out if you can do something about the situation (such as planning for an important meeting with your boss) or if it's out of your control (like waiting for test results). If there's something you can do, great — do it. If not, make a list of all the possible good outcomes.
4. Make someone else happy. I once got an e-mail from a guy named Larry, who wrote, "I want people to be happier after I come into a room than they were before." Try a small thing — a note of appreciation to your spouse, a call to a parent out of the blue, a bouquet of flowers from your garden to a coworker. You'll be amazed at how happy you'll feel.
